


Oni Wa Soto

by Katzedecimal



Series: The Kitchen God's Strife [3]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: A Bit Not Good, Brotherhood, Cooking, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-30
Updated: 2012-09-30
Packaged: 2017-11-15 08:44:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/525418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katzedecimal/pseuds/Katzedecimal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach.  .......Not if you're Sherlock Holmes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Oni Wa Soto

[17:27 SH] I give up.

[17:33 Mycroft Holmes] Eh? Give up on what? What's happening?

[17:33 SH] I tried to surprise John with lunch, when he came home from the surgery.   
[17:34 SH] I found fresh nagaimo at the specialty market so I thought I would surprise him with real okonomiyaki.

[17:35 Mycroft Holmes] Oh no. I can see where this is going.  
[17:35 Mycroft Holmes] He came home while you were preparing the nagaimo, correct?

[17:36 SH] Yes.

[17:36 Mycroft Holmes] Did he see that it was actually a root?

[17:37 SH] I had just put it into the fridge.

[17:38 Mycroft Holmes] So all he saw was the prepared root.

[17:38 SH] Which I was just about to scrape into the okonomiyaki batter.

[17:39 Mycroft Holmes] Had you worn gloves while preparing the nagaimo?

[17:40 SH] No. The irritation doesn't bother me.  
[17:43 SH] Did I lose you?

[17:47 Mycroft Holmes] I'm sorry. I had to leave the meeting. I just know I'm not going to be able to continue this conversation and maintain composure.

[17:48 SH] Gratifying to know that my suffering provides you with entertainment.

[17:49 Mycroft Holmes] It's not your suffering that's entertaining; it's the bizarrely poor luck you have in the kitchen.   
[17:51 Mycroft Holmes] So, he arrived home to find you in the kitchen, with reddened hands, holding a cupful of what appeared to be human ejaculate, about to pour it into his lunch. Correct?

[17:52 SH] And that was when he shot me, your honour.   
[17:55 SH] Lost you again?

[17:56 Mycroft Holmes] Sorry, I dropped the phone.  
[17:56 Mycroft Holmes] can't breathe  
[17:57 Mycroft Holmes] It's your habit of experimenting with human body parts that leads to these situations. People jump to conclusions.

[17:58 SH] People are idiots.

[17:59 Mycroft Holmes] I cannot disagree, nor can I disagree that the practice of jumping to conclusions is idiotic. However, given that most people have never seen grated nagaimo, they are unaware of its unfortunately strong resemblance to human semen, so it's a rather logical conclusion to draw. 

[18:01 SH] It's disgusting. As if I would ever do something like that to John.  
[18:02 SH] I just wanted to make him something special  
[18:02 SH] Not that he isn't something special already.  
[18:03 SH] It's not like we find fresh nagaimo on a regular basis

[18:03 Mycroft Holmes] Was he very angry?

[18:04 SH] He went off on me like a claymore mine.

[18:04 Mycroft Holmes] Ouch. 

[18:05 SH] I tried to explain it to him.   
[18:05 SH] He barely let me speak. He certainly didn't believe me.

[18:06 Mycroft Holmes] Did you not show him the root?

[18:06 SH] Um, yes.

[18:07 Mycroft Holmes] What does "um, yes" mean?

[18:07 SH] I might have thrown it at him just before I left.  
[18:07 SH] It might have hit his shoulder.

[18:08 Mycroft Holmes] Where are you now?

[18:09 SH] I don't know. 

[18:09 Mycroft Holmes] What do you mean, you don't know?

[18:10 SH] I changed trains a few times. Haven't been paying attention, haven't really cared.

[18:11 Mycroft Holmes] So you're on the Tube?

[18:11 SH] Yes.

[18:12 Mycroft Holmes] When did this take place? You said it was when John came home for lunch? So, when, noon? 1:00?

[18:13 SH] Something like that, I suppose. 

[18:13 Mycroft Holmes] And you've been riding the Tube all afternoon?

[18:14 SH] Yes.

[18:15 Mycroft Holmes] You've turned your GPS off.  
[18:16 Mycroft Holmes] Good lord, Sherlock, you're all the way across London. The car'll never reach you in this traffic.

[18:17 SH] Don't bother.

[18:17 Mycroft Holmes] You can't ride the Tube all night, Sherlock. You'll have to go home at some point.

[18:18 SH] No I don't.

[18:18 Mycroft Holmes] What will you do, then?

[18:19 SH] Get a hotel or something.

[18:19 Mycroft Holmes] Alright, fair enough, sometimes people need a little time apart from each other. A hotel is ridiculous, however. I'll send the car around and you can stay at my place.

[18:20 SH] Alright.

[18:20 Mycroft Holmes] Did you just say "alright"? To staying with me?

[18:21 SH] Yes.

[18:21 Mycroft Holmes] And you just said "yes" without any snarky commentary. Stay where you are. I'll come get you myself. You can stay the night and we'll talk about it in the morning, fair enough?

[18:23 SH] Alright.


End file.
